Promptings and a Plaque

Although I had fun editing those goofy pictures from Millcreek Canyon yesterday,

When I later turned out the lights and waited for sleep to capture me, a few tears were shed.

I must be honest when I say I am still mourning my mission.

I know that might be a little uncanny, but it's true.

When I felt prompted to go on a mission, it was a huge surprise to me.

But when I prayed about it, I knew it was right.

So after deciding to dedicate 18 months of your life to well.. not you...

coming home early is a shock.

I NEVER thought it would happen.

And so I'm left with a little confusion to work through, some feelings of inadequacy to overcome, and the problem of trying to find something half as worthwhile to fill my time.

I think its fair to say that some nights I still lie awake.. trying to answer all the questions I have in my head. (I'll post about those later.)

And crying because I have no answers.

(And because sometimes people are mean and say or do things that hurt you. They don't seem to understand how bad you already feel.)

Last night was one of those nights.

I prayed that things would get better again, because lately I have been making progress, we've seen some good results with the doctors, and I really didn't want to take 2 steps backwards into the darkness of despair.

But today, oh glorious new day...

My prayer was answered.

At about 9 p.m. I get a call that the Bishop wanted to see me.

I thought I was either in trouble, or getting a calling.

But actually he brought me this!

I was really surprised!

I thought I wouldn't get my missionary plaque.

Once he handed it me, I got a little choked up.

You know, when your heart is squeezing a little and you can't seem to move/talk for a second?

I just thanked him as he told me that sometimes, things don't go according to our plan, but the Lord's plan. And that sometimes we are required to simply move on and complete our lifelong mission.

After telling me he felt strongly that he should come give the plaque to me today, 

I knew it was the answer I've been waiting for and the closure that I need.

My full-time mission is now officially over,

but my lifetime mission is not.

I know there is purpose to this life,

a reason why we are here.

And you know what?

I'm doing my best,

giving it my all, 

and I know that is all God asks for.

A special thank you to those who just embrace me for who I am, who laugh at my stupid jokes, let my cry on their shoulders, and opened their arms and hearts to me when I came home.

I may have not shown how much I was hurting,  but you rescued me.

You made the difference, and I'll never forget that.

THANK YOU!