The Shamburglar

Oh dearest friends, family, and random secret/imaginary readers, I cannot even begin to express how much of a roller coaster this week has been.

The following story is 100% true.

I blame Valentine's Day. People tend to go crazy after it for some reason.
Is it because of a lack of love? or a love hangover? I do not know...

Well let me just tell you about the largest, most scariest thing that has ever happened to me in my college experience....

It was a slow Tuesday night, the one night all of us roommates are actually home at the same time. So in lieu of two recent engagements, we decided we needed to celebrate. We left at approximately 9:20 P.M. and dined at the classy Winger's not too far from our home. But due to a flash dance mob practice being held at 10, we hurried our friendly dinner along as much as we could.

We dined, laughed and sung to music the whole way home (You could probably hear us coming from a mile away).

Anyways, we skipped up the steps and Miss K opens our front door. To our surprise and shock. Our house is completely TRASHED!!!!!

Really. Our furniture was tipped over, cabinets open, drawers open, everything a mess! We froze and announced we were not going in there. Miss K starts yelling "Whoever is in here, we are going to kick your butt!"

I then told the group, "This HAS to be a prank!"
Because thats what bored college students do, they prank. However, we also have brief encounters with  thieves dubbed creepy nicknames like The Lurker.

I just found it very odd that some robbers would take the time to open our dishwasher and move our bread and decorative elements. They didn't just knock them over, they rearranged them. I guess these punks were into feng shui.

I walked in, flipped our couch back up, and my roommate exclaims, "My laptop is gone!"
My stomach sinks.. I had JUST been studying upstairs with mine as well. We then discovered mine was missing as well as a CD player.

To me, This. meant. WAR!

I cussed and felt like kicking the wall.
I should probably mention this has all occurred between 10:30 and 10:40 p.m.

We turn to each other, one of us calls our neighbors, some buff men, and the other calls the cops.
Suddenly we hear.... WHOOSH! BAM!
The back door had just suddenly swept open rapidly!

Again, we froze. Kate said, "Don't worry it's probably Tyson, he was meeting me here!"
We breathe and then turn around and see Tyson walking up to our FRONT door.
My brain does a flip and realizes, THAT WAS NOT TYSON!!


All of us scream and squeeze out the front door... Tyson was probably scared too.
Whoever had done this, had been sitting on Kate's bed, listening to us. Caught in the act.

We grab Tyson along with a frying pan and knife and proceed to search the house. By now, the cops are on the phone and our neighbors are arriving. They hadn't heard anyone running through our adjoining backyard, but were informed that motion lights of our other neighbors had recently gone off.

I am stuck in our living room, feeling sick to my stomach...
The cops then arrive, and decide to treat it as a robbery. They take photos, statements, etc., and tell us to contact all of our friends.

I call my family, cry to a friend on the phone, and get spooked a couple of times. We are all seriously upset and speculating in our living room. People keep showing up to our home to find out what happened. I stayed on the phone down the hall and start hearing elated yells.

Turns out, a friend was looking at the damage done, and popped open our hallway closet, the one we use to hide all of our random items and winter coats. He found our stuff! It had been hidden in the closet!
By now, we are sure this was a prank, and call the cops back.
I walk out into this room full of people, ignore them all, look at my laptop, and immediately pick it up and hug it! My puffy eyes open and I exclaim, "If I find out who this is, I am going to kick their A**!"

Everyone is stunned that I swore (I rarely swear) but I am back to being angry and say, "No, I will really kick them in the crotch until they can't have kids!"

We then calm down and crack jokes saying to our friends, "At least they didn't take our Catch Phrase!"
And slowly everyone leaves....
Then as roommates, we bolt up the house, and talk. We vow to be safer, admit we are still scared, do "the jerk" a couple of times, then get into our Pj's and watch The Bachelor until 3 A.M. We all then decide to sleep in the same room. For this, I am grateful, because one of my worst fears had almost become a reality that night. I hate people that steal, cheat, and lie. And we caught a bad guy in our house.

To whoever did this to us, you are not funny. You are a jerk. I love a good prankfest, but this crossed so many lines, on so many levels. Don't scare young girls like that. The cops seriously had us making sure all of our underwear was accounted for because they really do come across creepers like you!

Shame on you, but thanks for not taking my computer. For that I am extremely grateful and willing to forgive.

The End.

P.S. I did not go to school the next day...sue me, I was still shaken up!

P.S.S. This was my facebook status the following day:
hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your freaking laptops because some idiot in is trashing your home and pretending to steal them while creepily sitting on your roommates bed while you call the cops! You sure do run fast for a jerk....


P.S.S. While this creeper was NOT comical, here is the video of one that is.


Send me good vibes friends! This week has been tough!